Dissapointments and Acceptence

Life is full of disappointments, its whether or not we choose to let them affect us that is the important part.
My mother always supplied empty promises. For those of you who don’t know what an empty promise is, here is the definition:
“Noun. (plural empty promises) (idiomatic) A promise that is either not going to be carried out, worthless or meaningless.”
Her and I were always very close. I was her best friend and she was my mommy. I could tell her anything and everything, and believe me I would. I could be 100% myself around her. My mom became sober when my little sister was born (5 years ago). We figured, since it had been so long, that she wasn’t going to fall again. We were wrong… I was wrong.

I wasn’t her best-friend, the drugs were.

I can’t tell her anything now.

This isn’t my mother.

I have gone through this cycle more than 4 times in my life. I have been in and out of counseling, on and off anti-depressants. All this because I felt like there was something I could do to stop her, to fix her. The thing that hurts me the most is that I fell into her trap every single time. I believed that she was doing good and I was wrong. I was so wrong.

Here are some facts about drug addicts…
1. They know how to change the subject and turn it around onto you.
2. They are usually very good at manipulating people to benefit them.
3. They will do anything to get their form of drugs.
4. They will emotional (or even sometimes physically) hurt anyone to get their form of drugs.
5. Even when they have been sober for many years, they are still a drug addict.
6. You can take the drug away, but they will forever struggle with addiction.

You know when someone’s in pain or danger and you want to help them even though you know for a fact it will hurt you? That’s how I feel. I feel lost and confused but more than those, hurt. I feel like I got slapped in the face so hard. Maybe this is a wake up call but I can’t do this cycle with you anymore mom.
I can’t stand by someone who can’t stand by their family.
I can’t watch you slowly kill yourself.
I can’t constantly blame myself for your mistakes.
But most of all, I can’t allow you to think that you still have a hold on me. Best way to do that?

Let go of you. 

I love you guys,
Good night or good morning.


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